This week’s Five Minute Friday prompt is…
Looking at this word today, I feel a bit bitter.
And a whole lot of jealous.
Celebrate was not a word I’ve been feeling this week.
There’s been plenty to celebrate in friends’ lives. Birthdays, engagements (3 in one day, not that I’m counting), new jobs, new pets, new moves to new places. All awesome things.
But, I can’t help but feel a little jealous of them.
Because I don’t have anything to celebrate right now.
I want things to celebrate. I want happy endings and doors to open.
I want what they have. Or rather, I don’t want what I have currently.
I want love (much more than i realized). I want purpose. I want a goal. I want a life. (different than what I have now).
I want things worth celebrating, because the life I’m living right now doesn’t have much. I have a degree left hanging in the balance; I have a room at my mom’s house; I have no current idea what the hell I’m doing, and have no idea what I’m going to do post-graduation in May.
And yes, I know people have it worse. But after this week, I need a pity party. Because I need something better than this to feel like I can celebrate.
I’ve never felt this way– this tinge of jealousy. But I think it stems from the fact that before now, I felt like I had things figured out. I had a career plan, a grad school plan… and then it all changed. and now I’m stuck. The circumstances I put myself in are not worth celebrating. I don’t know what they’re worth, honestly.
Now that I don’t have it all together, I feel jealous about the friends that do. Engagements, celebrations,
Celebrate is not what I feel like doing this week… or even feel like I can do.
longer than five minutes… and I hate this post. It feels immensely stupid. But I don’t have a good word to celebrate this week, so this is it.