celebrate {five minute friday}

This week’s Five Minute Friday prompt is…

GO.

Looking at this word today, I feel a bit bitter.

And a whole lot of jealous.

Celebrate was not a word I’ve been feeling this week.

There’s been plenty to celebrate in friends’ lives. Birthdays, engagements (3 in one day, not that I’m counting), new jobs, new pets, new moves to new places. All awesome things.

But, I can’t help but feel a little jealous of them.

Because I don’t have anything to celebrate right now.

I want things to celebrate. I want happy endings and doors to open.

I want what they have. Or rather, I don’t want what I have currently.  

I want love (much more than i realized). I want purpose. I want a goal. I want a life. (different than what I have now).

I want things worth celebrating, because the life I’m living right now doesn’t have much. I have a degree left hanging in the balance; I have a room at my mom’s house; I have no current idea what the hell I’m doing, and have no idea what I’m going to do post-graduation in May.

And yes, I know people have it worse. But after this week, I need a pity party. Because I need something better than this to feel like I can celebrate.

I’ve never felt this way– this tinge of jealousy. But I think it stems from the fact that before now, I felt like I had things figured out. I had a career plan, a grad school plan… and then it all changed. and now I’m stuck. The circumstances I put myself in are not worth celebrating. I don’t know what they’re worth, honestly.

Now that I don’t have it all together, I feel jealous about the friends that do. Engagements, celebrations,

Celebrate is not what I feel like doing this week… or even feel like I can do.

END.

longer than five minutes… and I hate this post. It feels immensely stupid. But I don’t have a good word to celebrate this week, so this is it. 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “celebrate {five minute friday}

  1. Hey, dropping by from FMF, wondering if you have ever looked up Doug Addison on facebook and seen his daily prophetic words of encouragement. I find them so great when I’m really not sure what I’m doing and where I’m going they are so accurate to what I’m going through in the day.

    Like

  2. Thank you for sharing! I can relate to this feeling, as long as all is figured out we’re all fine. But sometimes this nagging feeling creeps up and we just can’t push it away. I guess it’s okay to realize jealousy and properly deal with it, but we shouldn’t allow it to linger. Letting bitterness settle in our hearts can be pretty destructive.
    I wish you lots of little moments this week (or weekend). Don’t wait for the big things, celebrate the little. Enjoy a cup of coffee, meet a friend, read a good book. There’s more to celebrate out there than you think.
    Blessings, your FMF neighbor

    Like

  3. Tara

    Jordan, this post is so not stupid. I like it because it’s real! I’ve felt jealous at times too. And sometimes we just have to have a pity party for ourselves. Praying for you. Parked in the 6 spot this week.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s