five minute friday {whole}

happy five minute friday!
Today’s word was an interesting one:

current life status:

broken.

mentally drained.

no energy. no focus. no drive.

I graduate college a month from today (the 7th) and I’m both excited and terrified.

I have no desire to do schoolwork, and have to force myself to get things done. I simply don’t care anymore- this semester is useless to me, anyways, so why bother?  My apathy is maddening. My depression and overwhelmed-ness is frightening.  I cannot get through the day without tears.

I am emotionally spent. no desire to do anything but sleep. I’m on autopilot, just getting through the day. Going through the motions.

I’m too close to the finish line to give up, but I sure as hell want to.

I’m the opposite of whole right now: I’m shattered into a million slivers of emotions and feelings and anxious thoughts and ideas swirling in my head. I’m broken because of how hellish this semester has been, and how scared I am of what’s to come. 

And yet.

Tonight, I walked outside late at night. For a breath of fresh air, and to run an errand for work.

I walked back to my dorm in the cool calm quiet, head up towards the sky.

Stars covered the sky, despite the stormy clouds still lingering.

They shined bright against a black sky, sparkling– I felt like they were putting on a show just for me.

In that moment, I heard God whisper through the starry sky:

I’ve got you. 

Quit worrying about things that are out of your control.

I’ll take care of it.

And in that moment,

as I exhaled a peaceful breath- the first I’d felt in a long time

I was reminded that on my own, I am completely and totally broken. My life is in pieces.

But with Him,

I am fully whole. 

Graduation is a month from today. Spent the morning with a mentor talking about future stuff. 
Current mood: #allthefeelings
I shared this on instagram today– 1 month from graduation. My thoughts exactly.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “five minute friday {whole}

  1. What a beautiful moment with God, to see those stars and to know he’s there and that there is hope, even in the darkness, because of him. Praying that you continue to know him with you and for his strength to help you through. Visiting from FMF.

    Like

  2. Tara

    Yes! With God, you are indeed whole. The Stars have always been a great reminder for me too. Beautiful post. I’m in the #8 spot this week.

    Like

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