expect (five minute friday)

 

Happy FMF day! The word is: expect!

 

 

 

do you ever expect things to turn out one way, and they end up going the exact opposite?

 

Yeah. Me too.

So what do you do when your expectations and your reality don’t match up?

For me, this whole year has been centered around this very thing.

I thought i was going to graduate in December, but I didn’t.

I thought I was going to nail student teaching, but I failed miserably.

I thought I was going to become an English teacher to middle schoolers, and that fell through.

 

All my life expectations came crashing down around me. And to put it gently, it sucked.

I worked hard towards that goal. And it didn’t come to pass.

While now I’m in a place where I’m done grieving over it, I can’t help but wonder what my expectations for the next chapter are going to be. And moreso, if I will actually meet them.

So how do I create expectations that I can actually meet? How, after burning myself once on expecting something so specific and detailed, can I find a new goal, a new plan, and derive expectations that I know I can exceed?

I expect so much of myself. But now, I’m scared to expect anything of myself at all.

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12 thoughts on “expect (five minute friday)

  1. Tara

    Jordan, THIS: “I expect so much of myself. But now, I’m scared to expect anything of myself at all.” I think we all feel that way at one time or another. You will be great at what ever you do.

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  2. Sounds quite painful. I’ve had a year of failings too. Such a hard place to be. When you fail your own deep expectations. It’s hard and humbling. I hope God shows you a new way, a new path, gives you new hope. A new thing, new vision. I read something recently we all know to be true but we forget. God isn’t as interested in what we do as who we become. I know thats true in my head but sometimes it sure is hard to accept in the heart. This life isn’t about an occupation or list of achievements as much as it is about the inner workings of our hearts and how closely they know our Father. The heart intimately acquainted with God is the one expectation i don’t want to fail at and the one thing I know God most wants me to get, even if other well intentioned expectations slip through the cracks of my life.

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  3. Oh Jordon, I ache for you! Life is full of twists and turns, of unmet expectations. I can’t tell you how many ways I expected things in my life to turn out that are no where near what I expected. Today, I can look back on most of them and thank the Father for saving me from my desires. I pray that you too will be able to do that one day. Hugs
    in the #35 & 37 spots today

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  4. You, my darling, were created and placed on this earth and this time for a very specific reason. I am learning that part of failure is learning what that reason isn’t. So perhaps reframe it; you tried teaching and it’s not for you, and that’s okay. We gain a lot when we’re willing to try. I admire that you put yourself out there and did the scary thing of turning around and beginning again.

    Expect good. It might look different from what you initially thought, but it will come.

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  5. I had to respond to your post.

    I just retired after 31 years of teaching middle school English/Language arts. I have to be honest and say that there were times in those 31 years when I ended the school year and left thinking, “Have I really done anything good for anyone?” There were years when I had more lessons that failed than lessons that succeeded. There were dozens upon dozens of times when I felt I was failing my family because of yet another school meeting, training, or event that I HAD to attend.

    I am also a mother of 2, one who has now graduated college and one who is halfway through college. There were times when one of my children would do something “wrong” and I would blame myself. Did I fail them? Is there something that I did not say to them that I should have said? Did I let them get by with something rather than disciplining them strongly? Was I a “bad” mother?

    Looking back now, I have to tell you that each of us is always our own worst critic. There are always times when we feel like we have failed. We expected so much of ourselves and then we didn’t do it. That makes us failures, right? WRONG!

    My daughter just finished a particularly difficult semester of college. One thing that I kept telling her over and over is that we have to fail at things in order to truly get better. When she studied and studied and studied for an exam and did not get the scores she wanted, my daughter had to take a long hard look at how she was studying. She has always been very independent, but it was only after failing a few tests that she realized one of the best things she could do was study with a tutor or a study group. She had to be willing to accept the fact that she was not meant to do everything on her own.

    Jordan, please don’t take this series of events as the end for your career. Take a long hard look at why you wanted to study teaching. Why did you want this particular job? What other options are there out there? Pray about it. Ask God for guidance. Expect that there is the perfect job for you…. somewhere… doing the perfect thing that will allow you to put your mark on the world and help someone else. Be willing to keep looking and be open to the possibilities! “Expect Nothing….. Welcome Everything!”

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    1. 31 years! Wow. Congratulations on your retirement. What a career you must have had! 🙂

      Thank you for your kind words of wisdom, Stella. You are indeed right–I am my worst critic. It showed exceptionally through my attempt at student teaching (long story short: I quit after 3 weeks. and 4 years of training!). I never saw the good i did, only the bad.

      I’m working on the next steps– it’s just hard because it was the only dream, truly, I’ve had. Now I’ve got no clue what dream I’ve got. Thankfully i have an awesome internship for the fall,so I’m hoping it sheds light on some gifts/ ideas for the future.

      Thank you for taking the time to reply! God crossed our similar paths for a reason, I’m sure. ❤

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