Tenacious

                              But I never                      turned my back on my faith,    

and I know God hasn’t 

            written me off, either.                               He’s too damn tenacious.  

               —Tilt, Ellen Hopkins

                                                                                                            

 te·na·cious [/təˈnāSHəs]
adj.
1. Holding or tending to hold persistently to something
2. Holding together firmly; cohesive.
3. Clinging to another object or surface
4. stubbornly unyielding

God and tenacious. Never really thought about that word in relation to God (and seriously, who would’ve thought I’d find it in a Ellen Hopkins book of all things?). But looking up all of the definitions of the word (like the little English nerd I am), tenacious makes perfect sense. 

“He is jealous for me.”

Deuteronomy 4:24 For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

For me. Crazy thought. Jealous for me? For us? Though we fight and run away and turn our backs when things don’t go the right way. He wants us, nothing more and nothing less. He tenaciously fights for us every day. Fights for our attention, our love. Some days He wins. Most days He loses (being honest here, folks). But he won’t give up.  He is tenacious in his love and passion for his creation.

Am I the only one totally flabbergasted by this thought? Seriously? We can never escape him (awesome yet somewhat scary thought all rolled up into one), so it says in Psalm 139. No matter how far I run, He’s always gonna be there waiting for me to come back. He will never quit holding us in His hand, He will never stop persisting and pursuing us like the lost children we are. Such an awe-inspiring God to think that no matter what, He’s never leaving us? To me, that is extraordinary.

Thank you for the reminder, God. Tenacity is a beautiful thing when seen through the eyes of a never relenting God, no? 

 I can’t think of a better visual representation. I still get goosebumps. Every.single.time.

“You hold me in your hands…You won’t let me fall.”

happy days are here again.

So, not gonna lie: this was one of the best weeks I’ve had in awhile, and definitely the best week since I’ve been back at Lipscomb.

Visits from friends and family (some expected, most not), lots of beautiful music (ah, choir music-there’s nothing quite like it!), plus things going actually as I needed/expected them to for once. School work and long days were taken in stride and not stressing me out for the first time this semester-guess I’m finally starting to get in the groove of it all again.

Everything I needed this week just unfolded into my lap. And it was extraordinary.

I know every week/day isn’t gonna be like this. But it’s reminded me of two things:
  1. I really appreciate everything and anything God has placed in my life this week. Seriously.  I have been on cloud nine this week! A perfect mixture of good classes/school stuff plus adventure plus just happy moments have made this week so lovely.
  2. every day, no matter how crazy or stressful, is going to have some good in it.  In the midst of chaos, God brought me some happy moments to get me through.  It has brought me a whole new outlook this week. Let’s hope it sticks!

I feel like all of this started after the campus retreat last week. I didn’t blog about it mainly because it was personal and something I really didn’t want to write about here in length. Here’s a quick synopsis: lots of Jesus time, Bananagrams for 3+hours, star-gazing with some lovely friends, lots of s’mores and lots of doggy time with Brave, who is quite honestly the CUTEST PUPPY EVER. 

The weekend really helped me clear my head and helped me focus back on my relationship with God. I realized how much I had been distracted by everything on campus and focusing on everything except God. It really knocked me to my knees.

So, I’m trying to get my life back in gear. And so far, I feel like I’m doing okay with it. I read a blog about things to help you find quiet time in the chaos of life (thank you Pinterest!), and one of the tips was something so simple that has helped me immensely. She says to leave your Bible/Devotional open on your desk/table area so that you see it first thing in the morning. Seems easy enough. When I have homework I have to finish, I leave it opened up on my desk so I remind myself to get it done when I wake up. Same principle for my morning Bible study. 

  I am blessed (or cursed?) with being a morning person, so usually once I get dressed and whatnot I sit and play on my computer. In fact, the 1st thing I normally do is check my facebook/twitter/email/pinterest. I’m a sucker for social networking, y’all. It’s a problem. 

So this week I’ve been taking a semi-hiatus from twitter and facebook. I deleted the apps off of my phone FOR GOOD- I deleted them for the retreat and decided I didn’t miss them. 

   And the first thing I’ve been doing before anything else is starting the day with my Bible wide opened on my desk, highlighter in hand. I’ve been getting back into Isaiah again-started reading it this summer w/ my sweet friend April but stopped when school started. It has been overwhelming getting back into it and being reminded of how amazing and beautiful God is. It has truly been a blessed way to start each day this week.

I have had my eyes opened to God all around me this week. I feel like that’s part of what has made this week so wonderful. Starting my day off worshipping and listening to my Savior has really made me look at every day differently. I know not every week is going to be as wonderful, but I really do believe  that taking a bigger step with my faith is going to help me when the weeks do look rough. 

I think I just needed some time to see that God is bigger, and with Him everything is gonna end up okay. Such a beautiful thought, yet so hard to trust in.

To quote the song that wouldn’t get out of my head all weekend, I needed to fall in love with God. Again. I need to fall in love with Him every day. And I feel that I’m getting there. 

oh happy days, you are here again-could you stick around for awhile? 🙂

Now, back to the world that is studying. Ah, college, how I love thee! (most days)

Stories.

Meant to write this last night while it was fresh on my mind, but alas. Procrastination and forgetfulness caught the best of me as I wrote an extra credit paper for Bible instead at midnight. 🙂 Welcome back to college, Jordan.

Anywho. On to what’s on my mind.

For those that know me at all know how much I LOVE to read. You will very rarely catch me when I’m not in the middle in a book (or 2…or 3…) and I tend to live by the Lemony Snicket adage, “Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.” My vision of heaven includes a massive library a la Beauty and the Beast , a place where you get paid to read books by the dozen. Books have kept me sane, and in some instances alive. I don’t know what I’d do without my invaluable book collection that hasn’t stopped growing since the day I got my 1st Judy Blume book in Ms. Karkau’s 3rd grade classroom (Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great, in case you were wondering).

The thing that makes me love my books? I love stories. I am a sucker for a good story, a sob story, a funny story, a sweet story… just let me leave my world for minute to step into another. That’s what books are to me. They give me time to breathe in someone else’s skin for awhile, to live in a world that completely draws me away from my own.

Not that my own story/life isn’t worth living. But the stories in books? Oh so better. Because they come from the minds of amazing writers that like me want to create another world. There’s just something about writers that they just KNOW how to create a world within this world we live in. Think about Harry Potter– how amazing is it that that came from the mind of one (amazing) lady, and that it ALL started with a BOOK? That thought just gives me chills. (I know I’m a nerd. It’s okay to point it out). 

 We’ve been reading A Gathering of Old Men by Ernest Gaines in my Lit class. GREAT book. What I loved most about it was that every person in this book had their own story… and finally, after years of keeping silent, they were ready to spill it. They believed in their story, for once in their life. It was a long time coming, but it was time for their stories to be heard in the world, not just behind their closed doors. Powerful stuff. 

It shows me something I’ve been loving about books my whole whole life: there is POWER in stories. Forget power in numbers. Stories-real, fictional, myths, fairytales- whatever kind of story there is to offer… has more power than anything in this world. Books have the power to change your story, to change your life. And they do, on a daily basis. Stories have changed my life. Not because they were cute, or funny, or sad, though feelings and emotions evoked do make a good story. But stories change my life because of the power behind them. It is because they can sway me to change my mind about a person, a concept, an idea; they can move me to uncontrollable laughter and waves of tears, all in the single turn of a page. I’ve yet to hear a song or meet a person or found an outfit that can do that (yet…there’s still time). 

Stories empower us. They give people (fictional or not) a voice in a voiceless world. They tell their stories with such presence and emotion and beauty that it is hard not to fall in love (or to hate, depending on the story) the character. Stories give us a way to say what falls through the cracks, what we as humans are afraid to say aloud. And they help us move forward in action, whatever that action will be. Do we tell our kids fairytales and Aesop’s fables and parables just to tell them a happy little story before bedtime? I personally don’t think so. I think we tell these stories to teach a lesson, to evoke some emotion (whether we realize it when we’re little or not is another story),  to do the right thing and be the right kind of person.

This is why I think stories have so much power. And we, as the readers and writers and storytellers, have this power at our very fingertips. It’s a beautiful thing. I love my stories. I love reading them, writing them, listening to them… they just bring me unmeasurable joy. At a conference this summer, author Jennifer Weiner said, “finally, to the little kid dreaming that when she grows up her job will be telling stories. We’ll be here for you when you’re ready.” I want that to be my job. Just telling stories, changing the world with a single thought from a person behind the pages of a book, ready to finally say something. 

Like An Avalanche.

“And I find myself here on my knees again...(and again. and again. and again). 

Caught up in grace like an avalanche.  

Nothing compares to this love, love, love…burning in my heart.”

 -Like an Avalanche by Hillsong United (the extra agains were added for emphasis and dramatic effect. ;)) 

This song hit me like a ton of bricks at Sanctuary tonight. I’ve always liked it, but tonight it felt different. I felt like it was just what God needed to tell me. 

Tonight, I really just needed to here these words. I needed the reminder,  that God’s grace is just pouring out and throughout my life.  Don’t you just love that visual of grace like an avalanche? It just falls down on us over and over and over again. I cannot even fathom why this is sometimes, but fact is, it’s there. Nothing truly can compare to it. 

Lately, I just haven’t felt present. Well, fully present at least. I’m just worn out. I’m not giving it my all. (I’m mainly saying all this on here because I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself…maybe putting it on here will help me realize that something’s GOTTA FREAKIN GIVE).  It’s not a good feeling. What the heck am I doing wrong? I feel like I’m whining but seriously! I need some semblance of normalcy or balance or something that will help me feel better about things. 

 And you know what else is driving me crazy? The things last year that helped me so much-the wonderful ways I kept “plugged in” at Lipscomb- have become so burdening to me this semester. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m exhausted or drained or what. I knew sophomore year was gonna be harder, but I’d like to feel up to doing more than just sleeping and being in bed all day. Right now that’s all I ever wanna do. Everything else is just extra that I’m lucky to be able to have at my fingertips yet I waste it. 

It’s not lack of God-I feel Him moving (trying to, at least). He keeps showing up everywhere in my life it seems lately. Apparently I’m just not good at reciprocating the same. 

I feel like I’m rambling a bit. But I digress.

My point is this: this week (past couple weeks really), I feel that God’s been trying to remind me that I’m covered. I’m okay. I’m gonna get through whatever the heck it is that’s going on that isn’t nearly as important or worrisome as I make it out to be.  God’s grace always has been, and always will be enough for me. Though I’m pretty sure I’ve screwed something up everyday this week. Amid my worries, my struggles, my sin–He’s there. and He’s working. and He loves me. Me?! Some days I can’t believe it. Most days I don’t deserve it. Okay, I never really deserve it (do any of us? the things I ponder at 12:30am).  
But He really does love me (and you, whomever reads this), and He really does give us this beautiful grace that I so need but don’t deserve from the way I have been acting lately. I’m trying. I know that counts, but I need to really rethink my priorities and start working on my faith again. I find it so ironic how I come back to a school where God is truly alive yet I’m just sitting here letting Him pass by. Thank goodness for that grace. I don’t know if I could function without it. 

 Jesus, how I adore you. (and I really, really, really do). 

Good night all. 🙂