the weary world rejoices {hope is alive}

Well, it’s Christmas. Technically it’s 2am on Christmas as I write this, so I should be sleeping, but oh well. (and no, I’m not up tracking Santa on NORAD, though it might be a good distraction tool from writing this….) 

Did anyone else try really hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year only to just not make it there? I tried. I tried really hard. I LOVE me some Christmas.  but there hasn’t been anything getting me into Christmas this year. Christmas music is usually my jam, but I’ve barely been able to listen to it; I love decorating, but we barely did anything decor-wise (minus our tree, which Mom and I spent so much time arguing about getting one, I didn’t care how it looked by the time we got it). We did plenty of Christmas baking, but instead of enjoying it, it felt tedious and nerve wracking; Christmas shopping was rushed, 2 days before Christmas (but I shopped with a friend, and spent over an hour in BAM so it was worth the wait). 

Add to that a newly-diagnosed respiratory infection (my lungs HATE me), on top of a sore/achy body from ridiculous amounts of furniture moving (new house probs), and my insomnia keeping me up half the night; I’ve just physically been miserable and exhausted every day since I got home from school. Talk about a winter break. Thanks, immune system! 

I’m thankful for the Christmas season and all it stands for, but this year, I’m just not feeling it. I just can’t right now. 

Thank goodness the darkness only lasts for the night. And thank goodness when Jesus was born in a manger all those many years ago, He was born to save wretches like me. Even in the midst of my mess, when I’m at my darkest or in the lowest of lows. Before He died for me, He lived for me. He was born for me.

Sammy Rhodes wrote this earlier today: “Unto us a child is born. The good news of the gospel is the “us” includes messes like us.”

He came into a broken, exhausted world to bring us back to Himself; a world so far separated from their maker that He had to become flesh to reconcile us to the kingdom.

 He didn’t just come here as a grown man to fix everything, either; he started out his life as a helpless babe in a manger, and lived wholly as we do, being tried and tested along the way. 

And when He came, everything changed.

His name will be the hope of the world. ~Matthew 12:21 

A thrill of hope; the weary world rejoices. (O Holy Night)

Finally, there’s hope. 

My world, my heart, is so weary–finally, something to relieve the weariness and stress. I need this hope right now. I want to not be weary for just a minute.  I need something to rejoice about. 

And now, He’s here. No more searching or striving or doing to be ‘right’ with God; I can rejoice in the fact that Jesus is here, He is born, and He is alive– and is the living hope I need to get me through. Because He was born, because He lives, so can I- and I can live  fully.

picture courtesy of @madewonderfully’s instagram

Jonathan Merritt wrote this today:

“Christmas reminds us that miracles often happen on the dark nights when we have little more than a twinkle star to hold onto.”

On this dark night, in a manger, with no room in the Inn; born to two bewildered parents who did NOT expect this wrench in their life plans; and yet, in spite of the circumstances, a miracle happened in that manger: a hope for the future, a hope for the whole world, was born. A living hope. 

Despite the darkness, hope is alive. Finally, there’s something worth rejoicing about. Finally, my weary heart can rejoice: 

Hope is here! hope is alive! Jesus is born, and He is here to do amazing, beautiful things! 

He’s the hope the weary world needs. He’s the hope my weary self needs.

And He is, finally, here, in the flesh, to live out what love and hope really look like. 

Even in the midst of my darkness, that is worth rejoicing. 

Thank the Lord for hope. For Jesus, our living, breathing, hope, born into the world to fix the brokenness and bring light to our darkness. 

Hope is Alive by Ellie Holcomb

(typically I’d post a video with the song, but I sadly couldn’t find one! Check it out on itunes, it’s a beautiful song!)

After the silence of waiting so long

We hear a baby’s first cry

And into our midnight

A heavenly song

Whispers that hope is alive

Oh joy to the world on this holy night

CHORUS

So sing with the angels that fill up the sky

Heaven broke through and now hope is alive

He is right here among us

Our god is with us tonight

And hope is alive

—

In an old stable beneath the bright stars

A young mother is holding her son

Oh the beauty of feeling the beat of God’s heart

That tells us that we are not alone

Oh, our Emanuel has come

—

So sing with the angels that fill up the sky

Heaven broke through and now hope is alive

He is right here among us

Our god is with us tonight

And hope is alive

—

Into our aching , into our breaking

Into our longing to be made whole

Your arms are reaching, Your love is holding us close

Into our suffering , into our weeping

Into this need we have to be known

Your arms are reaching, Your love is holding us close

—

So sing with the angels that fill up the sky

Heaven broke through and now hope is alive

He is right here among us

Our god is with us tonight

And hope is alive

—

So sing with the Angels that filled up the sky

Those in the shadows have seen a great light

He is right here among us

Our god is with us tonight

And hope is alive

Hope is alive on this Christmas– and the weary world rejoices! Alleluia! 

Merry Christmas! 🙂

and if not…

It’s 3:30AM and I’m wide awake. Thanks, insomnia and anxiety (anxiety over what, you may ask? Once I figure that out, I’ll let you know).
My brain just won’t shut off. Why couldn’t my brain be this wide awake during 8am classes or finals week? Rip off.

Anywho, tonight something’s been on my mind that I figured I should write out; maybe then I’ll finally sleep (or I’ll take my panic attack meds/melatonin and pass out, whichever comes first).

Tonight I watched/listened to a podcast from She Reads Truth— a Christmas party, with Ellie Holcomb (ah-mazing as always) and writer/blogger Angie Smith, talking about advent. It was great, and what I got from it is worth a post of its own; but that’s not what I keep thinking about.

Rachael (one of the founders of SRT) was wearing this ampersand shirt:

if you’re looking for me a Christmas present, this shirt is in the SRT store. #shamelessplug 

Someone during the webcast asked (on the youtube chat box) what the significance of the ampersand was. I (along with a few others) explained that it was based off Daniel 3, the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. 

It stuck with me the rest of the night, so I decided to re-read the story to refresh myself.  Apparently I needed it today. 

17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (NIV)

16-18 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered King Nebuchadnezzar, “Your threat means nothing to us. If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference, O king. We still wouldn’t serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.”

Even if not. If He doesn’t deliver us, we still refuse to serve or worship another god. 

Is that a tough pill to swallow for anyone else? 

In the midst of their biggest trial, they remained faithful. They didn’t backtrack when things got tough–they didn’t change their minds and give in to the king just to save themselves. They remained true to the faith that God would rescue and redeem– and even if he chose not to, they still had faith in their God, and refused to support any other idol. I love the message version: it wouldn’t make a bit of difference if God actually followed through with their request: He was still God, and He was worth holding on to. 

At Q Women in November, Annie Downs asked something that resonated with me:

“How do you craft a life that brings God glory and brings you joy, even if God doesn’t answer your deepest prayers?”

Even if He doesn’t answer my deepest prayers the way I want him to; if my hopes and desires for my life aren’t what I planned; and even if I don’t understand what He’s doing or why He’s doing it:

He is still God. 

He is still good. 

He has the plan. I’m simply carrying it out the best way I can. 

Faith is scary sometimes;  I don’t want to put anything into God’s hands I can’t control (control freak probs, I know). So how on earth can I live a life where my plan and His plan might not match up? How can I live a happy, joyous life if it’s not the life I have worked out for me? 

 That scares the hell out of me, if I’m being honest. I don’t know if I could be like Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego: I’d be running for the hills, if it saved me and my way of life. I don’t know if I’d have their, “even if He doesn’t save us, I still believe in Him” kind of faith. At least not everyday; there are some days I totally see myself with that kind of faith, then there are the low days where I just shake my head and scream “REALLY?” at God when things don’t work out. 

I want to have that “and if not” kind of faith: that “even if it isn’t what I want or expect, I still choose to believe” kind of mentality. I really do. He says we only need the faith of a mustard seed, yet somedays I feel like I need faith bigger than Mt. Everest to just survive. Sigh.

The ampersand became more than a punctuation mark to me today: it became a reminder that, even if life goes haywire, He is here, and He is good. 

And if not– even if He doesn’t do things the “my” way– He is still good. So, so good. 

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/n_Voi3JM8ZA&source=uds

Give Me Faith-Elevation Worship

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/VvhCXNoDiXA&source=uds

Ellie Holcomb-Only Hope I’ve Got

A Time to Rest…

Well, it’s done. The semester from hell is officially over. Grades have been posted (not too bad, considering my 18 hour class load plus my mental state this semester); graduation has come and gone (saying ‘see ya later’ to some fabulous people sucks royally); now I’m chilling under my covers listening to Christmas music.

This semester felt like it was never going to end, and now… it’s over. This time last week I was wide awake, frantically writing/revising an 8 page research paper on Wuthering Heights (I don’t want to talk about it). How was that a week ago?!?
Over the course of 48 hours, I went from frantic, stressed, and exhausted, to… well, nothing. By 6pm Tuesday night, every thing I’d worked towards over the semester was finally finished. I didn’t know what to think, or what to do.  I don’t think my brain knew what to do, being stressed had become a way of life.

I’ve been home since Thursday; I spent an extra day after finishing finals running errands and relaxing, visiting with friends and not rushing around for the 1st time since August–it was nice to be able to do stuff at my own pace! Home has been great; other than venturing out for graduation and some errands, I’ve done nothing but sleep, read, and play online.

Originally, my plan for break was to come home and go straight to work at the daycare I worked at over the summer. I was partially excited: I missed the kiddos (hadn’t had a chance to visit since I left in August), I was excited about having some extra Christmas money, and I was going to get to be out of the house for at least part of the day (I get reallllly stir crazy, PLUS me and my mother under the same roof for too long causes me to lose my sanity).
Come to find out, they didn’t need me– the process for me to get re-fingerprinted just for December was going to take too long, plus they don’t have as many kids during the Christmas season, so they don’t need as many employees.

 I was bummed for a minute, then I felt relief. Immense. relief.

 Because in reality? While I say I was excited about working, my brain and heart were both screaming: ARE YOU CRAZY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF? (my inner dialogue speaks loudly, in all caps. As I do in real life).

Jumping from an 18 hour semester to a 40 hour work week: not my best idea.

I was so exhausted thinking about it. And while there were plenty of good reasons to go back for a few weeks, I began to realize the cons outweighed the pros:
working 9-6 all day, 5 days a week, on what should be my time off.
working with small children, which almost always leads to me getting sick (I got sick the 1st week and last week of the summer working there. Seriously).
no time to do things I want to do, like visit with friends, bake and shop with my mom, read for fun, etc.
no time to do things I NEED to do, like Cozumel fundraising stuff and online paperwork, etc.

I need a genuine break from work, both school and otherwise. Even my mom said as much when I told her about the job; her actual words were something like, “why don’t you use this break to rest? To actually take a break?”

What a concept.

I’ve been in a constant season of going, going, going, constant movement and busyness, that I truly haven’t given myself a break– even when I took breaks from school stuff to have fun, or when I came home for Thanksgiving break, my brain truly wasn’t on break-I was always thinking ahead of what assignment was due next or what meeting or event was next on my schedule. This is the first time in a long time I genuinely have nothing on my plate– no school work, no work, no meetings or events or anything of genuine importance. This could be the last time I have such a free, worry-less schedule for a long time.

So, this break will be a break of rest; a 3 week span of time where I have absolutely nothing planned, other than time with friends and family. And baking– lots of baking. 🙂
I am using this break to focus on me; to recharge myself so I don’t burn out again. Because the burnt out this semester was brutal, and I never want to let myself get to that point again.

There is a time to be productive and work your tail off: it’s called fall semester 2014. Winter break 2014 is a time to rest, and to let my brain catch up on some much-needed recharging.

I have never been so relieved and to have plans fall through.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/g2Hr19Z2Sfo&source=uds

“My Portion and My Strength”-Ellie Holcomb

her album is my anthem for 2014. Seriously.