hmm. this is an odd word for this week. but here goes it…
blessings are not always easy.
They aren’t always welcome.
They don’t automatically look like a good thing when you first see them.
blessing is defined as, “God’s favor and protection;” i think for me I always see blessing as synonymous with happy, cheerful things, when in all honesty it could be something hard and tragic and not fun– but the blessing part is how God uses these things to show us how He loves and cares for us.
2 weeks ago I had to make a decision I didn’t want to make– a decision to end my internship early (for a lot of reasons, but self-care was the primary one). The next two after I made my choice, I sobbed both at home, at work, and in my therapist’s office because I regretted it. But once the initial emotions blew over, I realized that this choice was going to be a blessing for me. It might not look like it in the moment of hurt and sadness, but it WILL be a blessing.
Two weeks later, I’m not 100% there yet–the transition hasn’t been the easiest– but I know I’ll get there.
A blessing isn’t always pretty wrapped in a neat little box of goodness, but it’s never bad– it is always for my good, and for my care. And from a God who loves his kids enough to take care of them, no matter what it looks like.
This is after the time went off, but wanted to add a line from Lisa Harper’s recent she reads truth devotional: “How—despite our proclivity to make huge messes—He is so completely for us.”
that might be the biggest blessing of this whole Jesus thing, y’all. He’s for us, messes and all.
it’s been awhile since i linked up with my pals at five minute friday! I’ve missed this little writing family so much; Thursdays have been the busiest/longest day of the year teaching at my internship, so I never had a chance to jump in and write.
Now that summer is here and school programming is over (PRAISE JESUS), I no longer teach at night! All summer programming at my job is during the day (all. day. long. Jesus help) since it’s day-camp style, so my days end at 3. Which means I HAVE MY NIGHTS BACK! The night owl in me rejoices!!
The word for writing tonight is one that’s on my mind all day, every day lately:
In the words of Chandler Bing, could this be anymore relevant to my life!?
GO:
I like knowing what the future holds.
I like plans and the like, the whole schedule set out before me with no surprises. (I hate surprises.)
I spent a whole lot of my life thinking I had the future perfectly manicured to what I wanted it to be… and then not so much.
A man can plan and plan, but the Lord’s will ultimately prevails.
i’ve been reading James with She Reads Truth the last two weeks; one of the more well-known verses in James tells us about submitting to God.
Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (james 4:7-8)
The message version says it like this:
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time.
I just love that. Let God work his will in you. Submit has always scared me (because #controlissues), but the idea of God working his will in me is eye opening, especially to someone trying to figure out her future and what she wants to do with her life.
I’ve been dealing a lot lately with getting my identity wrapped up in my career and my future plans after my internship ends in July. After quitting student teaching, changing my major, and realizing the one career i’d ever wanted was not in the plans for my future, I got tied up in this identity struggle of being just a teacher. Then I got into this internship where I’m, yet again, a teacher, and I got to wondering if being a teacher was the only thing I was to everyone. I was afraid teaching was the only thing I was good at. It’s the only thing I’ve really done, it’s the only thing I’ve been hired for, anyway, so maybe I should face facts and accept that this is the future I have (even though I really really don’t want it to be).
I know teaching is not what I want in my future, but for whatever reason it’s the only future i feel like I can have.
I want to be more than a teacher, dammit.
I let my job and my future job take hold of who I thought I was.
Slowly, ever so slowly, God is reminding me that who I am is not in the career I have now or next year.
Who I am is not my job or my calling.
I am not my job.
I am not my future.
Who I am is who He has made me to be.
I am a daughter of the God whose plan prevails, and who will work his will out in my life– if I lay my identities down and accept the identity He has given me.
I’m not just a teacher. I’m His. and my future is in his much more capable hands.
**I went over by like 5 minutes… it’s the first time I’ve done one of these in a year, people!
just wanted to add this little nugget from the she reads truth post from yesterday:
“Tomorrow could bring beauty; it could bring heartache. But as I’ve been reminded, even in my darkest moments, Christ holds me fast. Each moment is laced with His grace.”
No matter what the future holds, I am held by Him. And that is who I really am.
Throwback: Can’t say the phrase Who I am without singing this one… very loudly. So many memories wrapped up in this song. Ah, the 90s.
Writeable moments 