no chatting tonight. lurked instead. too tired. too mentally drained.
this week’s prompt:
You can’t always get what you want, as the old song goes… but what if what you want is what you need?
I’ve had a brutal mental week. I wrote about it last night, if you dare read my rambles from 1 in the morning.
It started last week, after being disappointed and a little brokenhearted about something… then disappointments and broken promises and more disappointments piled one on top of the other, and I just gave up and dwelled in the sadness of it all.
I want to be mentally healthy. I need it too. I need to have some semblance of normalcy: a normal sleep schedule, instead of staying up half the night and sleeping til noon;
a normal meal schedule instead of grazing all day;
a focus on writing or looking for writing jobs instead of just giving up after rejection hits me square in the face;
a motivation to get up and get stuff done, instead of forcing myself out of bed just to go to the bathroom;
I want a lot of things. But right now, I need them too.
My wants and needs are intertwined right now: What I need most is what I want most, too… normalcy. Peace. Community. Motivation. Energy. Focus. Joy.
I’m struggling to get my needs met. I feel like I’m drowning in sadness.
I don’t just want to be well. I need it. But I don’t know how to get there right now.
I’ve been listening to Audrey Assad a lot this week… her voice is soothing. This hymn is a favorite.