I am restless, restless, restless looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you.
My friend Emily introduced me to that song a few years ago, when I was feeling spiritually restless. Whenever I get that kind of restless, I listen to it non-stop.
Apparently, that’s tonight.
There is just something restless about me tonight. I can’t put my finger on it.
Remember when I wrote a few weeks about reading a scripture and it made my faith start to come back to life?
and when I wrote about my medicine finally feeling like it was starting to work, and I was coming up from the depressive fog I’ve been under? (i actually didn’t advertise this post much, for whatever reason. It felt kinda different, like I needed to write it but needed to keep it quiet. Either way, read it if you like. It’s short).
Yeah. I think those worlds are colliding tonight.
Now that I am feeling like I can get out of bed every day (and not dreading it), I’m starting to feel more things- and the biggest feeling right now is restless. I am itching for something. Something new, something different. Something to bring some peace, some fufillment to my life right now.
I have a lot of things I’m doing currently, mind you. But none are things that are filling this restless void I’m feeling.
My job is great, but it’s just a job- definitely not something I can/will do forever. I won’t start back to school until January. Cozumel stuff starts in a few weeks (*squeals with excitement*). I’m thinking/worrying about grad school/post-grad stuff in small doses. (*deep breaths*) Even in my quiet time, I am just bouncing off the walls, not able to concentrate.
Which leaves me with this restless, unquieted spirit feeling. I get this feeling when something big is about to happen– or, when something big needs to happen.
Something is brewing in my soul, I just don’t what.
I’m just ansty. Now that I’m starting to feel something beyond the numb sadness, I need things to feel. I need things to do. I need something to keep this excitedness going while at the same time fufilling my restlessness.
I need something to channel this restlessness into. I just need to figure out what that is.
Until that is, my spirit is just going to be bouncing off the walls, restless for whatever is coming next. (Just let it be something good, Lord. Please?)
Thanks for reading my 1am bouncy ramble blog, y’all. 😀